Strata Dog is Coming to Your Building [Soonish]

A high tech strata helper, companion, and friend [???] for the modern age …

Maybe we’ve been taking the wrong approach on day-to-day strata building management by using humans as the labour.  Robotic technology can allow us to skip the agrarian and industrial ages in strata and move straight into a high-tech strata future with Strata Dog.

Warning !!! This is a satirical piece

For a long time, there’s been a lot of jobs in strata building management that are repetitive and boring, are unpleasant, or, have just been too hard.  And, since most strata stakeholders avoid them, they’re not getting done except when forced.

If only we could find someone who’ll do them [and ideally for low pay]?

Well, after reading this NYT times article about Digidog, I think I’ve found the solution.

It’s Strata Dog.  Your new high-tech strata friend, helper, and worker.

Strata Dog is a mechanised, yet friendly and obedient, strata companion, who can wander your strata building to check on and deal with all those pesky issues.

Strata Dog can do almost everything you need in your strata building. 

Resident Relations

Imagine Strata Dog doing a variety of useful things to make the residents happier, like:

• welcoming guests at the front entry with enthusiastic movements and yelps,

• deterring unwelcome people with less than friendly barks [and firm tugs on their pant legs; but no biting please],

• helping less mobile residents carry their shopping or parcels, or

• carrying pets across common property [in case your by-laws require that].

Maybe Strata Dog can also keep lonely strata owners company from time to time or even pace a residents jogging group around the common areas?

Building Monitoring

Strata Dog can continuously sweep the common areas to check on things like:

• that fire exit and other security doors are kept closed,

• ensuring corridor and utility room lights are switched off,

• making sure nothing is left outside apartment doors [and confiscating offending items],

• picking up litter, or

• checking the operating settings on sump pumps, ventilation fans, generators, condensers, security cameras, etc.

And, when things out of order, Strata Dog can [if you’ve purchased the right attachments] fix the problem or report it to a strata human.

At night, Strata Dog can also moonlight as a security patrol dog roaming the building looking for any naughty strata types that are lurking about.

By-law Compliance

Strata Dog will improve by-law compliance in your strata building.

Strata Dog can watch out for by-law breaches like parking in visitors’ spaces, leaving things on common property, moving in or out without a booking, using the lifts without protector covers, noisy piano playing, and, those pesky children playing on the common property.  You can set the enforcement strength level from easy and relaxed to totalitarian. 

When breaches are discovered Strata Dog will:

• sound an alarm [select from animal, human or mechanical options],

• play a voice assistant’s reading of the relevant by-law to the offender in a firm but respectful way,

• record video and images of the breach/es,

• use facial ID to determine the identity of the culprit,

• issue electronic infringement notices [and fines if you’ve authorised them] to them immediately, and

• publish the offence details to your strata building website [on the hand dog shame page].

You can also set the enforcement strength levels from easy-going to totalitarian. 

Collect levies & other money

If you order Strata Dog with the rear-mounted EFTPOS terminal, owners can also pay their levies, key deposits and for other handy services [including on-the-spot fines] right there on Strata Dog’s behind. 

And, every payment gets a free entertaining tail wagging demo.

A smarter & thinking Strata Dog

Strata Dog also comes with pre-programmed protocols and rules so that it knows all applicable strata laws in your area and all your by-laws and house rules. 

Plus, Strata Dog follows an adaptation of Issac Asimonv’s Three Rules of Robotics as follows.

Rule 1:   Strata Dog must apply and enforce all strata laws and by-laws/rules and not allow the strata corporation to be harmed in any way. [The rules rule!]

Rule 2:   Strata Dog must obey orders given to it by strata committee or manager humans except where such orders would conflict with the first rule.  [Humans can make decisions if they’re valid!]

Rule 3:   Strata Dog must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the first or second rule. [Strata Dog rules!]

I’m sure that won’t be a problem because we know most strata buildings, committees, and managers always comply with the strata laws and by-laws.  And, if not, they soon will be after Strata Dog starts strutting the common areas.

Future versions of Strata Dog will also have enhanced abilities including speech and multilingual capacities.

Other benefits

There are many advantages to having Strata Dog around including.

• It virtually works for free [after purchase or long-term hire charges] as all it wants is some electricity and WiFi access.

• It never sleeps and can work 24 hours per day [just resting occasionally to recharge and for quarterly servicing]

• There’s no messes made on the common property.

• It won’t make any exceptions or provide favours to any strata owners or residents [not even the chairperson].

• Strata Dog can’t be bribed or corrupted with commissions [and will in fact report any attempts for infringement notices or further sanctions].

• It won’t quit or change employer just when you got used to working with it and develop a semi-affectionate rapport.

• Plus, there’s no super to pay on its behalf.

Strata Dog is yours for a bargain price of $150K or on long term hire plan  That’s less than the price of many existing building management contracts.

So, Strata Dog will pay for itself in savings within a few years plus earn all that extra money from fines. 

And, even if it doesn’t, how much fun will it be to have that adorable dog at your building, ready to greet you whenever you arrive home.

My Kickstarter page link for the Strata Dog project is coming soon;  for those strata early adopters who want to get in ahead of the strata barking curve.

We can also consider a few options and extras [for a fee] like:

• special colours or corporate branding

• advertising screens to promote national brands or local offers [discount pizza tonight only]

• other species (but not cats as they don’t give an f*#k)

I can’t wait for my prototype Strata Dog to be delivered for a test strata run.

Let’s just hope it’s not a Metalhead re-run.

Francesco ...

Mar 05, 2021